1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
