I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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