so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
