oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
