A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just high enough for therapy.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
