What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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