My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
