I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
