Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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