"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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