I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
