theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
