his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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