my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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