i may or may not be watching the land before time
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't deserve a penis
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
