Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
