i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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