GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
