You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
