yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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