Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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