Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
