Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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