I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
