idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I love you. Go after that dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
