Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
