You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
