that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize