At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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