i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize