I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
