he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
