mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
