He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize