What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
