and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize