I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
