If that was your dad, he is hot
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
