why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
