for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
MIDGETS
????
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
