It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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