i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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