Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
