he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
