I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
