either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We have started to decorate penises.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
