I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize