remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
