i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
