This is not my ceiling
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm always down for nudity.
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