This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
my poor anus
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I believe in your delicious
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
