guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
