She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
