I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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