; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize