Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
