A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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