Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
