yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
