At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
