I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
