i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
