Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
