Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
