I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I want her autograph on my taint
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
