Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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