The best revenge is premature balding
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
