The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize