so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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