he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
