3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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