I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
