Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
