I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
